Triggers triggers everywhere

Some days aren't yours at all,
They come and go
As if they're someone else's days
They come and leave you behind someone else's face
And it's harsher than yours
And colder than yours

They come in all quiet
Sweep up and then they leave
And you don't hear a single floor board creak
They're so much stronger
Than the friends you try to keep
By your side

Downtown, Downtown
I'm not here, not anymore
I've gone away
Don't call me, don't write

I'm in love with your daughter
I wanna have her baby
I'm in love with your daughter
So can I please

Downtown, Downtown
I'm not here, not anymore
I've gone away
Don't call me, don't write
I've gone away
Don't call me, don't write
Don't call me, don't call me, don't call me
Don't write, don't write, don't write, don't write, don't write
Somedays aren't yours at all
They come and go
As if they're someone else's days
They come and leave you behind someone else's face
And it's harsher than yours
And it's colder than yours...

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Again I don't even know quite where to begin, then again isn't that always the case.  Something inside me snapped today, it snapped and I wish it could be pieced back together again.  It  brought up feelings of shame and disgust and everything she tells me that I am.  I wasn't able to speak without a flood of tears which some know is a big fear of mine so instead I kept my mouth shut, staring straight ahead I cannot cry.  I cannot and will not cry it's not okay.  The thing that snapped was when I was confronted with an issue in interpersonal which had already been dealt with in a personal way.  I spoke to her about it, apologized and told her that I had not taken her headphones on purpose.  I mean for fucks sake people they all look the goddamn same.  I remembered my mom though.  I remembered the time my mom shouted and threw a bottle of lotion at my sister and back handed her all because she used two pumps of her lotion and used the makeup mirror my mom has.  I always thought this was normal until I began to see the interactions in Haley's family.  They had no qualms over a few pumps of lotion.  I mean fuck Haley borrowed one of Tami's favorite rings, one that was sort of priceless in terms of sentiment and she lost it.  How did Tami react? She didn't throw anything, she didn't tell her that she was a horrible person and selfish and that the world didn't revolve around her.  

I don't know though, I think I just already have it so deeply ingrained that I am a bad person, that I am something to be ashamed of and when I make a mistake or a "mistake" I immediately want to run or crawl into a hole for awhile.  I feel like a bad person deep down and it's trivial and I hate that I can't quite articulate it the way I would like to but that's the best I can come up with. 

I am also getting somewhat of cabin fever.  I was in the hospital for five weeks and here two.