All I want is something good
It gets harder every time
She is leaving here tonight
Take a breath
Take your time
Spread your wings and rise
Make a mark upon the wall
Paint your face and pass the time
Close your eyes as she ascends
Hold your breath and ease your mind
Forty thousand times
Time ...fades into the night
They descend and then they climb
Feathers falling through the night
Have you seen Ohio rise?
It has been four days and nights
All I want is something fine
It gets harder every time
She is sleeping far away
Take a breath
Take your time
Spread your wings and rise
Rise into the black Ohio skies
They descend and then they climb
Feathers falling through the night
Have you seen ohio rise
It has been four days and nights 

Counting Crows

---------------------------------------------------------------

"All of these quiet battered voices/Wait for the hunger to come/We got little revolvers and stupid choices
And no one to say when we're done" Counting Crows

I don't think I realized how much being in the fucking state hospital and greenhouse really bothered me.  Being shuffled back and forth because I'm not allowed to be with my mom but I'm too much to handle for regular foster care.  I hate the part of my life and I hate my former selves.  I feel as if I am always trying to change or mold myself into someone and I haven't quite gotten the molding just right.  There are always kinks and scratches, missing parts.  I used to wonder if maybe somehow I came off the conveyor belt faulty.  I asked my mother if she was going to come visit and she said she was and that she was going to bring the dog(to be quite honest I was more excited about Duke than I was her).  I asked her to bring my ipod and she brought stuff and I just sent a text asking her if she wasn't able to find my ipod and her response was, "What's wrong now? I still haven't done enough for you?" 

I know it's her shit not mine but it doesn't make it any easier.