chaotic crisis living in a dream

Strung out, needle in arm

And the ocean is bleeding salt on your wounds

So I sat, as armies marched

But you found me awake but asleep on the porch

And don't you cry, my darling

Nashville is forgotten

And don't you cry, my darling

New York is the ocean

Brooklyn, quiet and cold

When the bars close

You're stuck counting cracks on the street

Then war breaks, and you're swinging the gun

But when the bomb drops

You're stuck counting cracks in your teeth

And don't you cry, my darling

Nashville is forgotten

And don't you cry, my darling

New York is the ocean

Strung out, needle in armAnd the ocean is bleeding salt on your wounds

To not have control over your mind is a terrible thing and it's one of my greatest fears.  To be honest I can't remember the last time I ever really did.  There's always some pull, something begging me to look away, something pulling me down, pulling me this way and that.  "Don't look," it says. My mind is constantly playing tricks on me but never ones like this.  It moves faster than I can articulate.  It's tugging at my body and and pulling at my skin.  "RUN! leave. NOW! move, you must keep moving!"  I cannot seek comfort in my head like I have in the past, I cannot seek comfort in a bed with a bottle of pills and liquor or whatever substance is readily available, it calms me down but does not stop me.  The days blur into one another and eventually become one in the same, they are a constant state of motion.  It's a motion I cannot remember save for bits and pieces here and there and the things I cannot ignore such as the headlight on my car that was knocked loose and I don't remember how that happened and I know I wasn't intoxicated. 

 I am not myself, the world outside of me is not real, I am not real,  I am merely an object of my imagination in a world that is moving entirely too fast.  I am in the middle of a bad acid trip and the world is in both technicolor and black and white and moving at pace entirely too fast all the while my mind and body are grey and white and I am at a complete standstill.  I know what is coming next for I have been this road before. I would give anything to burst through these barriers and jump right into the speed of life, faster than life even, to be amongst the cars on the freeways, to have the intensity so that I could feel something, anything and everything and so that for once, I know that I am real and I am here.  Then, of course, it hits like a wave crashing down knocking me against the ground bloodying my body and leaving me raw.  I know I have to get out of there because the sharks will have a field day with me if I don't.  They can sense the fear and the blood and the vulnerability.  My body is like a ton of lead and my mind is a dark, dark place.  It goes places that terrify me and nothing seems to shake it and I am back to square one.