On Almost Any Sunday Morning
Take a message to your head
Just stay beside her in the bed
You were so stupid
To believe in things you couldn't see
Then make them all you want
If you haven't got the reasons
Just make up any reasons
Then pick them 'til they're torn
Take it all away
You took your coat today
But they all go back in the morning
Make a time to find your way
I got a little further today
Wash your eyes clear of anything
Make them empty circles
Dress yourself in black or gray
I'm hungry like a wild waif or only child
This lithium is heroin to me
It makes it all withdraw
All the anger and loss
But it all keeps coming back in the morning
You keep yourself too clean
You dig yourself a dream
That we won't be coming home alone
Not this time
Not this time
Not this time
Not this time
Take a message to your head
Just stay beside her in the bed
You were so stupid
To believe in things you couldn't see
Then make them all you want
If you haven't got the reasons
Just make up any reasons
Then pick them 'til they're torn
Take it all away
You took your coat today
But they all go back in the morning
Make a time to find your way
I got a little further today
Wash your eyes clear of anything
Make them empty circles
Dress yourself in black or gray
I'm hungry like a wild waif or only child
This lithium is heroin to me
It makes it all withdraw
All the anger and loss
But it all keeps coming back in the morning
You keep yourself too clean
You dig yourself a dream
That we won't be coming home alone
Not this time
Not this time
Not this time
Not this time
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Friday I was 110 and I worked from 5-3:30 am, had to wake up at 8am to take the woman I'm staying with to work, then pick up her daughter at her friends house, take her to theater practice, pick up the woman I'm staying with at 1pm and had to be at work at 6pm-3:30 am. I ate some pretzels but gave them away(one serving and gave them away) I went to 112, then had pretzles last night while incredibly fucking stoned/drunk/drugged up and woke up weighing 118.
My eating disorder is convinced I've gained a ridiculous amount weight. Then a very small part of me wonders if how I see myself really is distorted but then the eating disorder says that's bullshit and fuck this god damn disorder.
I am still having a hard time dealing with the fact that, despite it being incredibly toxic at my moms, I was 103. I know me not being there is part of the reason I'm doing better but FUCKING GODDAMN A MAN!!! 118 makes me want to crawl into a fucking hole and die and it two fucking days it went up eight pounds.
I'm really freaking out because part of knows it's my kidneys but the ED part says "no you're just too fat all you have to do is take laxatives and diuretics."
Thanks for becoming a follower of my blog. :) I've decided to follow you too.
ReplyDeleteDon't let ED convince you that you're healthy, because you KNOW you're too thin. Fight against and force yourself to recover. It worked for me just this summer. If I didn't push myself really hard, I would've stayed at a deathly weight of 83 pounds, and I'm 5' 7". Strangely enough, I wasn't even hospitalized. I don't think I went to a very good doctor. But anyway... I was deteriorating, and it was the worst feeling ever. Don't let what happened to me happen to you!