Friday, October 1, 2010

So they think focusing on my mom is not a good idea but it's hard when you're mother has told you over and over again that you are a burden and that you should suck it up because she worked so hard for you.  

She sent me this email:

Hi Karina,

I am giving you back your disease. I will not talk about it with you or participate in it with you. Do not ask me if you look fat or tell me that you don’t want to eat something because it has so much fat in it. I cannot help you defeat it. Do not expect me to cover for you about it, or make excuses for you to NOT tell people about it. My communications with other people will be honest and will be my own. You do not have any input in my communications with others.

Do not expect me act like the disease doesn’t exist.

I will be a long, long time before I trust you again. You shouldn’t be upset about that. It is a natural consequence of your actions. This goes way beyond the ED. This involves all basic forms of trust, and includes the fact that I have decided you are not welcome in my home. I need for my home to be a place where I can let my guard down and truly relax.

I am reclaiming all the effort and energy, time and money that I have previously devoted to you and your disease. You must face this on your own, with out any assistance from me in hiding it, denying it, or using it to your advantage to get what you want. I am done with it. I don’t think you have any idea how much I invested in your future, in trying to make sure you were alright. I failed in all those efforts and only ended up resenting how much of me you were taking and using, without appreciating my sacrifices. So, I am changing the way I deal with you.

This is the only way I survive. I don’t have any other choices. Remember, I love you and will always love you, but from now on it will be only love that you get from me.


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