Ramblings of a Neurotic Brain

Perhaps this is a good example of why one should not type when they are fucked to the gills.   Perhaps this is real.  I don't know.  What was up has now gone down.  What was right is now left.  The days blurr into one another, the ones remembered are tedious and hellish.  I work, I don't sleep I feel like every moment is a fight to get to the next.  I try to sleep, I do but my mind won't stop, it just won't stop.  I am taking too much of a psych medicine one day, none the next, realize I can't feel my face and don't know if it's the withdrawal or the malnutrition.  On my days off I drink and abuse other substances and have a managed to knock ashtrays over, tables over before finally passing out.  Then last week when I woke up afte passing out at 6am, I drank again only to have a hangover at 3pm on Tuesday.  Wednesday I binged and purged twice after consuming no more than 400 calories a day.  Thursday through Saturday are the hellish ones they are the ones I can't smoke and drink because I have to function for work and I don't have time to plan when and how I can b/p.  I bust my ass, don't sleep, bust my ass don't sleep,  bust my ass CRASH, bust my ass.  GET FUCKED UP!  go insane, cleaning incessantly, rearranging things over and over again.  what am I going to do?  i'm going crazy? where am i going to live? what's the best, safest place to park to I can sleep at night? i'm going crazy!!!???!? GET FUCKED UP